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6 If you could change one important thing about your hometown, what would you change? Use reasons and specific examples to support your answer.

 (If I can change one important thing in my hometown Taiwan, I would like to change the location, so that there would be no more earthquakes =. If I could change one important thing in my hometown in Taiwan, I would like to change the location so that it would not be in an earthquake zone anymore.

 (Taiwan is between the Eurasian Plate and Philippine Plate; what’s = that’s why we have so many earthquakes every year. According to the official records, there are an average about =of over 100 times earthquakes that people can feel and sense the temblor every year. = This part would be better in your first paragraph, after you have completed your introduction paragraph.)

(Here is a proper thesis sentence to end your introduction paragraph)Earthquakes are so dangerous for many of us especially when the earthquakes come so unexpectantly and leave so much disaster geographically, physically and economically. (By naming the 3 things an earthquake does you are able to set up for your reader the three paragraphs that are to come and what kind of information you will be describing.)   many people live in tall buildings. They always come quickly and unexpectly and no one can really predict when will it happen up front.(From now on, I am going to put the writing in italics format and in blue when the sentence or word needs to be removed completely)

The most serious earthquake (was occur = occurred) ( on 1999.9/21 = on September 21, 1999 at 1:40 (Am = am). (Now we call it – it is known as) “Big earthquake 921”. At that time, there were 2,415 people that died and 5171 houses or buildings that were totally destroyed. It was a terrible memory for many of us, because many people lost their families or their home just in a few minutes. Some people have to keep paying their mortgages even after their houses were crashed.(put this in the last paragraph about economics)

In Taiwan, there were too many and too terrible memories about earthquakes. Many people lost everything and (have = had) to start over their lives. Even worse, they had unspeakable hurt in their hearts (and they were uneasy to heal. = that was very difficult to heal).

For some people this unspeakable hurt included the fact that they had to keep paying for their mortgages even after their home was destroyed. (You could add a couple more sentences here about the economic struggles that would have occurred).

If I have magic power, this is the first thing I want to change. If there were no more earthquakes in my hometown, I would see people crying for their lost and fell helpless no longer, and people in Taiwan didn’t have be afraid about earthquakes anymore.

Sharon – here is how I would improve on the mechanics of you conclusion paragraph.  If I had magic power, the first thing that I would change would be the location of my hometown.  If this could actually happen, I would no longer have to live through the great loss of my people during an earthquake.  I would not have to watch them crying because of their loss.  My people would no longer feel so helpless and they would not have to feel afraid of earthquakes anymore.